I AM NOT ALONE

I AM NOT ALONE

“Living is easy with eyes closed.”  ~John Lennon

As a child growing up in Newark, New Jersey, I believed I was alone. That is not a fact of life easily understood by a four-year-old toddler, nor do I expect any of you to understand. There are times you cannot walk in the moccasins of another, no matter how hard you try. However, you can empathize. I never celebrated Christmas until my daughter was born. I could experience the fantasies and joys of that day through her eyes. It wasn’t a sad day after all.

“Taking a moment to check in. Like many of us, this is not an easy time of year for me. I’m bombarded with traumaversaries. From Thaddeus’ suicide in September to Tam’s birthday in November and Lark’s death on Christmas. My body reacts differently every year, but as I continue to unpack more layers of my traumas, I’ve been able to become more aware and intentional with how I manage the triggers. 

The more I listen to my body, tend to what it needs, and not “muscle through” the way I used to, the stronger the relationship I have with myself. It doesn’t mean I don’t get frustrated, because I do… often. That hasn’t changed. What has changed is the addition of self-compassion. With understanding comes empathy… usually.

My grieving has moved from being totally overwhelmed and shut down, to finding ways to honor them. One year, I had trees planted in their memory to be a source of new life. Now, I have spent more time going inward rather than outward, developing my inner resources, working on self-attunement, and building my capacity to sit with it all, hold it all, accept it all. 

It’s ok to feel. My body isn’t working against me, it has no concept of time, of schedules, of what I was hoping to accomplish for the day. Some days, I’m locked in and productive. Other days, my body is dysregulated, needing the day to get regulated again. Sometimes it takes a few days. 

An important first step was to acknowledge all the ways I’ve been harmed. To identify my body has been hurt and in some ways irreversibly. It’s been important to help others know these invisible disabilities to help them adjust their expectations of me. How I understand my body is how I help others to as well. The way I relate to my body is the way others will as well. 

So whatever thoughts and feelings come up is information for me to know where my body is at at any given moment on any given day. It’s all the microadjustments that I make throughout the day to let my body know I’m listening and caring. It’s the ongoing practice to hone those listening and responding skills that makes a huge difference. It’s no longer about forcing it to bend to my will. When I’ve done that, my body makes sure I pay for it. 

Today, I have the capacity to hold the pain of my people. To fight for the greater good, to speak up against a formidable criminal industry committing crimes against humanity that aren’t being acknowledged. I honor those we have lost by pursuing and exposing truth about what has been done to all of us. 

I hope this check-in helps whoever might read it, who has gone through similar experiences, who may be struggling right now. You aren’t alone.”

#TraumaRecovery

Wise words from Moses Farrow.

I stole these words from Moses Farrow and am reposting them as my own. He conveys the truth more eloquently than I could ever do.

November is Native American Heritage Month. When their children were taken from them and put into residential schools run by deranged, zealot nuns and priests, and then trafficked directly into White Christian homes to be assimilated, they knew exactly what was being done to them. They didn’t buy into the propaganda and false narratives used to promote and endorse their eradication.

Instead, they fought back as a people. They exposed the truth. They listened to their children who escaped and returned home saaying they were being abused, raped, and murdered. They demanded the schools be shut down and return the children to their families where they belonged. 

I stand in awe of their fortitude, their clarity of truth, their resilience. I, too, am native to my homeland, my mother was First Nation in Canada. I, too, was taken as a child, just not put into a residential school. I was snatched from my mother’s womb at birth and sold, trafficked, to a Jewish family in New Jersey to be assimilated. And I was. 

It was not until 69 years of age that, with the aid of a “search Angel,” I began to unravel the web spun around me and begin to learn of my true ancestry, heritage, culture, learn about the person I should have been. I now speak up with the truth of what was done to me and my people. Yet, I often stand alone as the industry has spread its propaganda and everyone has been brainwashed. I’m uplifted by the growing number of other victims who are speaking truth to power. 

However, the industry is relentless with its propaganda. It’s challenging to remain clear about the truth and not succumb to the peer pressure and what’s been familiar. But I will stand steadfast against this criminal industry. Children continue to be taken, trafficked and killed. They too deserve to be liberated, to have someone demanding to free them and return them home to their families, they deserve to live. 

Truth and solidarity today and every day. Every child matters.

#NativeAmericanHeritageMonth

#stopchildtrafficking

#ShutItDown

“In honor of Native American Heritage Month I stand with indigenous people in truth and solidarity. As someone who was also taken from my homeland by an industry that weaponized the term "adoption" against my people too, I am inspired by their spirit of resilence.”  ~Moses Farrow, LMFT