I AM NEITHER “PRO-ADOPTION” NOR “ANTI-ADOPTION”

 I have wound up in quite a few adoption groups since joining Facebook eight years ago.  That was not my original intent for joining Facebook, but it has been an interesting ride. I discovered how much adoptees have in common, including their inherent trauma, whether it is recognized, accepted or not.

I also learned that looking back with a new perspective, many kids I grew up with and befriended were also adopted. We could have been even closer friends and been there for each other if only we knew. But we were taught not to discuss being adopted. Of course, that was to protect the adoptive parents paranoia, shame, insecurities, feelings of failure and self-consciousness. It was never about the child. The child merely sought love, appreciation and approval which adoption does not guarantee.

What I have learned is that most people know nothing about adoption nor why many consider it child/baby trafficking. Most terms relating to adoption are not even in their vocabulary. My first contact with my birth family confirmed that they might never have met or chatted with someone who was “adopted” and did not know how to react. Some said I was fortunate not to have grown up in that family. 

I was confronted and accused of seeking monetary rewards and wanting to be greeted as close family with love and affection. They could not grasp that my only motive was to find out who my birthmother was, her life, her culture, her speak. Also, if anyone had clues to whom my birth father might have been. This her twelve other children could not handle, empathize with, and offered me nothing besides slamming another door in my face…and people ask me what is wrong with my nose.

Just so we all use the terms similarly, here is a short lexicon I happened upon. Feel free to add to it.

ADOPTION TERMINOLOGY

ADOPTEE-Someone who has been adopted.

ADOPTION--The act of a child being adopted and legally raised by a person or married couple as their own, after the child's birth parents have either passed away or their legal rights as parents have been terminated by choice or by the state/country.

ADOPTION FOG- Suppressed emotions an adoptee may have regarding their adoption experience. Some adoptees talk about "coming out of the fog" well into the later part of their adulthood.

ADOPTIVE PARENT- The mother or father of an adoptee.

ADOPTION TRIAD -Consists of the biological parents, adoptee, and adoptive parents.

AMENDED BIRTH CERTIFICATE-A birth certificate that is altered such that the names of the adoptive parents are listed as the only and sole parents of the adoptee.

BIRTH FATHER OR FIRST FATHER- The biological father of the adoptee. First father may also be used.

BIRTH MOTHER OR FIRST MOTHER- The biological mother of the adoptee.

Many feel the term "birth mother" is outdated and demeans a woman to nothing more than a breeder. Because of this, the term first mother is also used. Both terms mean the same thing.

BIRTH PARENTS-The biological parents of an adoptee.

CLOSED ADOPTION-When the identities of the birth parents are concealed from adoptive families as well as the adoptee.

FOSTER PARENT - Temporary caregiver fior someone walinglobeadage. or to be reunited with one or both birth parents.

IDENTIFYING INFORMATION - Information that provides the fallident. of the birth parents.

INTERNATIONAL ADOPTION--An adoption in which the childisadopedby an individual or couple who are nationals of a different country.

KINSHIP ADOPTION-An adoption in which a member of the biological family raises the adoptee.

NON-IDENTIFYING INFORMATION- Anonymous information on the adoptee's birth parents and/or family history, which might include ages, ethnicities, talents, and, sometimes, medical information.

OPEN ADOPTION -When the identity of the birth family and adoptive parents are shared. No laws are set in place, at either the national or state level, to assure the adoption remains open. Open adoptions sometimes fail, for a variety of reasons.

ORIGINAL BIRTH CERTIFICATE-An unaltered, true copy of the Certificate of Live Birth, indicating the names and information of the birth parents.

In most states, it is illegal for adoptees to access his or her own original birth certificate.

SEARCH ANGEL--Individuals who volunteer time and experience to help an adoptee locate his or her birth family. Some search angels are retired paralegals, genealogists, or have their own personal connections to adoption.

SEMI-OPEN ADOPTION--The adoptive family maintains contact with the biological family, usually through a third party, where letters and photos can be exchanged.

TRANSRACIAL ADOPTION. -The adoption of a child into a family where the adoptive parents are of a different race and/or ethnicity than the adoptee.