TRAUMA, GRIEF AND LOSS

 Have you ever gotten into discussions with others as to who you are? What makes you tick? Are you different than “normal” people? That is a conversation I have had all too many times after revealing I was adopted. After listening to Buddy Rich on Johnny Carson’s Tonight Show, I began developing my own version which tends to differ each time.

I am friendly, I am forceful,

I am kind, I am loving,

I am angry, I am sad,

I am happy, I am confused,

I am quirky, I am complicated,

I am blunt, I am tactful,

I am simple, I am smart,

I am silly, I am alert,

I am moody, I am considerate.

I am all those things and more, just like you.

However, unlike you, I am adopted.

The average person knows nothing about what it is like to be adopted, the various dynamics involved, let alone ever knowing or discussing adoption with an adoptee. The overwhelming reaction by the uninformed is, “Wow, you are so lucky to have been adopted.” Lucky? Yes, the unscarred by education about adoption think it is luck that steals your family, heritage, ancestry and native language away from you. 

I believe that story is the same all over the world. People making assumptions about matters they possess no knowledge of. In the Western World, rationalization is the Judeo-Christian solution to anything unknown. So who is the superstitious pagan? Today, I wonder if they are QAnon.

“Every adopted child experiences trauma from the separation and loss of their birth mother. Identifying and validating the loss and separation of an adoptee and a birth mother is the first step in helping adoptees heal and thrive in relationships and society.”

My name is Jessenia Arias-Parmer, also known as, "I Am Adopted" in the adoption community. I have been assisting adoptees, adoptive parents, birth mothers, and adoption professionals for the past 10 years.

I launched “I Am Adopted” as a platform for adoptees to unashamedly share their adoption story. Upon adoptees discovering their voice, they have found release, healing, courage, empowerment, and validation. Today, “I Am Adopted” doubles as an invaluable resource for adoptive parents and adoption professionals. It has aided adoptive parents in navigating through their child's adoption journey.

Adoption is undoubtedly unique and complex. Often, adoptive parents are not effectively prepared by their adoption agency to deal with post-adoption issues such as identity, trauma, anxiety, stress, loss, and search and reunion. Adoptive parents have reported that they were not equipped by their adoption agency with the necessary resources needed to have a relationship with their adopted child. I Am Adopted fills in the gap to provide the missing vital resource that is required to have a successful adoption.

“I Am Adopted” provides an honest inside look through the lens of an adoptee helping adoptive parents identify their child's struggles and triggers to improve their relationship with their adoptive family and society. The goal of “I Am Adopted” is for every adoptee to know that they were born on purpose with a purpose and that they matter and their voice matters. No one was born on accident, and no one was a mistake. No matter one's spiritual or adoption beliefs is welcomed, loved, and embraced at “I Am Adopted.”

ADOPTION + MENTAL HEALTH

I Am Adopted

My Story

JUNE 7, 2020

Jessenia Parmer, forward-thinking mental health advocate and consultant, purposefully and empathetically combines her education and wealth of experience to advocate for adoptee rights and mental health and provide expert mentoring and consultation services. With over 13 years of professional experience under her belt and counting, Jessenia seeks to empower at least one person, every day, for the rest of her life, as well as reduce suicide risks in adoptees, advocate for free mental health therapy, promote wellness in the adoptee community, and exemplify how to move from a space of pain to peace and pain to power.

Jessenia's remarkable professional experience pales in comparison to her unparalleled power to connect with adoptees on mental, emotional, and spiritual levels. Abandoned as a baby and abused by her adoptive family, Jessenia endured a life of trauma and adversity - homelessness, addiction, and suicide ideation, to name a few uphill battles - the very elements that disproportionately affect adoptees on an everyday basis.

As the saying goes and accurately rings true - "It takes a village." And so, with the help of selfless mentors, skilled therapists, her wonderful probation officer (Mrs. Barbara Bush-Bryant), and her incredibly loving husband, Jeff, Jessenia acquired the tools to navigate through life with mindfulness and the ability to transform challenges into sources of power. More importantly, she has arrived at a place of peace.

"I am alive today because of mental health therapy and because someone took the time to listen."

Jessenia explains as she draws on the very objectives she strives to pour into the adoptee community.

Notably, Jessenia's online presence has taken the adoption field by storm, as she continuously engages 20+ thousand followers from around the world, forming fruitful relationships with everyone who crosses her path, whether virtually or in person. 

Jessenia's body of work exemplifies her natural capacity to connect with adoptees and create a safe space to exchange dialogue and personal experiences.

As an expert in her field, once earning over $160,000 in scholarships for educational purposes, she dedicates her life to listening to adoptees share their stories and teaching them the importance of owning their journey.

Jessenia's journey is still underway, as she looks forward to changing the narrative of adoption and create a large network of safe spaces for adoptees and respective families.

http://iamadopted.net