THOUGHTS, MUSES AND RANTS OF JAH

Christina Gochnauer June 13, 2021 There is a dark secret lurking in the shadows of the adoption community. No one wants to talk about it for a variety of reasons. It’s difficult to articulate, it’s embarrassing, it can feel ungrateful or unloving. However, the fact remains that many adoptive families suffer from poor mental health. It is no one’s fault in particular. It is borne out of a “pull yourself up by your bootstraps” mentality and a desire to represent adoption in a positive way. Hiding the mental health issues that can come along with adoption is toxic and can be dangerous. Suffering in silence is not necessary, but sometimes it can feel like it is. Sometimes it can feel like the only option you have is to scream into a pillow, cry in a closet, binge eat a tub of chocolate ice cream, and isolate yourself from the people around you who don’t seem to understand.  Children who are adopted may often feel a sense of disloyalty to their biological parents if they attach too stro...

I came across Bob Hartlen (R.I.P.) quite a few years ago. Back in 1999 I think it was. We texted back and forth and I sent him donations to help with the costs of his group and with his endeavor to keep the horrors of the Ideal Maternity Home (Butterbox Babies) alive in the public’s consciousness, similar to the Holocaust, so that “NEVER AGAIN” would refer to both. He founded a group seeking to locate and connect those who survived the Ideal Maternity Home (IMH). https://canadiancrc.com/Butterbox-Babies_Killers-Child-Trafficking-Canada/Butterbox-Babies-Survivors_BOOK-LIfe_After-The-Ideal-Maternity-Home.aspx Since his passing, maintenance of his group passed from person to person until it resided in the hands of unfeeling people who lacked empathy. That is sad, considering how many people Bob helped while alive. In true transparency, I was removed from the group’s records, kicked out and banned from their Facebook presence. That came as quite a shock because all those I met and chatted ...

 Have you ever gotten into discussions with others as to who you are? What makes you tick? Are you different than “normal” people? That is a conversation I have had all too many times after revealing I was adopted. After listening to Buddy Rich on Johnny Carson’s Tonight Show, I began developing my own version which tends to differ each time. I am friendly, I am forceful, I am kind, I am loving, I am angry, I am sad, I am happy, I am confused, I am quirky, I am complicated, I am blunt, I am tactful, I am simple, I am smart, I am silly, I am alert, I am moody, I am considerate. I am all those things and more, just like you. However, unlike you, I am adopted. The average person knows nothing about what it is like to be adopted, the various dynamics involved, let alone ever knowing or discussing adoption with an adoptee. The overwhelming reaction by the uninformed is, “Wow, you are so lucky to have been adopted.” Lucky? Yes, the unscarred by education about adoption think it is luck t...