A TRAUMATIZED CHILD

 (1). I am not sure who wrote this, but I can relate. My adopted parents love to tell the story of going to a resort in the country when I was a toddler, like 2 or 3 years old. An elderly couple seated at our same table (communal dining) told my parents they were upset seeing a small child at their table and feared tantrums. They were so amazed how instead I was “well behaved,” didn’t “fuss” and was such a “good boy.” So impressed they were, they inquired about my initials. They owned a jewelry store and sent me a gold ring with my initials.

“My adoptive parents always bragged about me being such a "good baby" - I didn't fuss, slept through the night, did as I was told, etc. 

They also like to remind me, even at my 41 years of age, what a "difficult teenager," I was. Angry outburts, running away, drugs, etc. 

But how often are the labels of "good" or "bad" mistakenly placed on adoptees who are responding to trauma by freezing, fawning, fighting or fleeing? 

Just listened to a panel discussion with Paul Sunderland and he said "A freeze baby is often mistaken for a good baby," and that is the inspiration for this post. 

Likewise, an "angry adoptee" is often just a human being reacting in a perfectly normal way to one of the deepest wounds to the ego a person can experience. 

Adoptive parents, and parents in general: your child is not "good" or "bad". There is no such thing as a perfectly good or bad person anyhow, but especially not a good/bad baby. 

Adoptive parents: your child is traumatized and if you refuse to recognize this and help them navigate that trauma, you will continually retraumatize them.”

#adoptees #adopteevoices #adopteesspeak #adopteeetruth #trauma #developmentaltrauma #complextrauma #adoption #adopted #preverbaltrauma #fight #flight #freeze #fawn #healing #adoptionistrauma #mentalhealth #disenfranchisedgrief 

(2). “The latest fad in adoption positive rhetoric is being “trauma-informed.” Make no mistake, being a trauma-informed parent or mental health practitioner is a good thing. But being trauma-informed does not absolve one from knowingly and willingly inflicting trauma. 

This is what we are seeing now with the newest wave of “adoption reforms” that aim to make adoption “more ethical.” If prospective adoptive parents are trauma-informed, they will be better parents and therefore, adoption will be better. But let’s examine the logic of this. Adoption is an institution founded on classist, racist, ableist, and colonialist ideologies. It is rooted in the idea that the only valid family structure is nuclear, that only certain people are worthy of parenting, and that money is the best indicator of parental fitness. Most importantly, adoption causes trauma, and we know this, through both empirical research and the testimonials of plenty of adopted and displaced people. Adoption is systemically harmful, unjust, and unnecessary.

The idea that being a trauma-informed adoptive parent is somehow going to magically dismantle all these intersecting oppressive forces upholding the adoption industry is a category error. You are mistaking your individual experiences within an institution for the institution itself. The system is fundamentally unethical and it cannot be reformed into a state of moral goodness by some trauma-informed parenting. If you know adoption causes trauma and that trauma is preventable, then you are perpetuating a harmful system if you adopt. And it doesn’t matter how much you have read about or been trained in trauma-informed parenting. 

Positioning trauma-informed parenting as a way to make adoption more ethical is like saying it's ok to buy this puppy from the puppy mill because I’m going to give it such a loving home. Not only have you not made puppy mills more ethical, but you are perpetuating the practice.”

#adoption #adoptees #adopted #displaced #systemicharms #trauma #traumainformed #ethics #humanrights #morality #familypreservation #abolishfamilypolicing

(3). Adoption has been a lucrative business and gave rise to black market babies, Butterbox Babies, baby trafficking, human trafficking, kidnapping. Consider, if you will, how much of a profit dormer Secretary of Education made by selling babies kidnapped at our southern border. How much money is involved? I was purchased for $10,000 in 1945, that’s how much. Do the math. $10,000 in 1945 is equivalent in purchasing power to about $164,893.33 today.

We Should Be Fighting for a World Without Adoption

If poverty, racism, and health care inequities were properly redressed, adoption would be a last resort.

https://www.thenation.com/article/society/adoption-parenting-choice/?fbclid=IwAR2RLnJUM8fBwkegVpQ5wOpm_qVpEz7KA0MtJsZDQtjSrDeimznC21SzAng