PEACE, LOVE, ROCK ‘N’ ROLL

 “Ok so y’all remember the other day when I was at work and no one was there?   

Well it turned out that for an hour, because I didn’t want to text anyone at 5 in the morning, I was pretty much in the dark as to why not a soul was there but me.  

I had kinda figured out that since there was no internet service they might have postponed the start time and no one thought to let me know but I’m just guessing.  

I went through all kind of scenarios in my head.  Like there was a big party and everyone was hung over. I kinda figured out that probably was not probable.  

So I figured I’d wait till 6 and if no one showed up I’d text someone.  So I went outside and got my phone I leave in the car and noticed that not even outside were there any people or cars.  But it is just a bit after 5am on a Saturday so that’s not surprising.  

I go back in and I’m still running scenarios in my head.  Like am I somehow the only one left and it’s going to be up to me to replenish the world but that’s not going to happen because I’m 69 years old, but there was a Mary years ago that got pregnant from an angel when it whispered in her ear so she could give birth and yet remain a virgin, so maybe there’d be a few of those talented angels who somehow would be able to help me replenish the earth.   But then I realized that the odds of my winning the power ball were greater than me being the only one left on earth.  And I don’t even buy tickets. 

So then I said to myself “Self, maybe we’re dead and I’ve just not realized it yet”.  And I looked around the huge phone room with all their little cubicles and computers, and once again I sad to self, ”you know this could be heaven or this could be hell” and I laughed a little bit because of the clarity I now have since learning the truth of my first chapter since arriving on this planet.  

Because knowing the truth has given me so many choices.  Maybe that’s not a good thing for many people but for me it’s awesome.  I am in charge of my own reality.  

I’m not a toxic positivity person.  I’m a realist and a healer that spent too much time training her brain to be a critical thinker so I could be the best possible nurse I could be.  I had a brain trained to look for the thing or things that are wrong.  And I know today that it’s actually since I left my mother’s womb that I’ve had this hypervigalence, and anxiety because my body wasn’t going to allow me to lose another mother.  (or anyone for that matter as I got older).  

Anyway back to me in the call room because there’s such a peaceful easy feeling that hits you when you know deep down that you have choices.  

(Folk, I think I’m pretty much out from the Stockholm Syndrome of 64 years.)

So in the call room I decided since I was the only one there I could just start singing “Hotel California” at the top of my lungs and I walked back to my cubicle and since it was 5:55 I decided to stop singing in case someone comes in and I started to type the text I was going to send at 6. 

Then I heard the door open and it was another agent. And he had no idea.  So we are just kinda trying to figure it out  and a 3rd person comes in but she had gotten a text message that said there was an outage and we could all stay home but be available.  

So I go home.  Then about an hour later I got the text saying don’t come in till Monday and you’ll get paid for both Sat and Sunday.  So there I am 2 extra paid days off before I work out my notice.  I was hoping to be leaving here Wednesday but that’s not going to happen.  I’m still trying to get my house cleared out.  I’ve got someone coming tomorrow to help and then another person coming on Thursday to take a bunch of furniture and then the Thrift store people coming with a truck for everything else and then once I get the furniture out I’m going to rip out the carpet. I’m determined.  

So my work place has allowed me to keep working on a week by week basis.  And I am determined.  

Yep….. I’m going to end this terror at my core once and for all.  And hopefully get to Washington at sometime next year and talk to whoever the president might be, because I want to know, why as a born in America citizen I (and their are many others like me) have had our birth certificates and birth records taken and sealed and have a new legal birth certificate that states we are born to the people that adopted us?  And that’s all I’m going to say about that because I’m not going to write a script too far ahead.   

It’s hilarious you know…..

While most folk at 69 would be getting diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, here am I finding out I am neuro diverse and have probably been ADHD most of my life and that I place on the autism scale.  

And now you know after reading all this that staying focused with some racing thoughts is just part of being neuro diverse and you are not your thoughts you are the one who hears them.”

MCM